I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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