dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
