I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
