On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
