hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
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I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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