State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
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