Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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