the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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