And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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