found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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