I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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