At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
