Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Randomize
