so that wasnt chicken after all
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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