I think im going to throw up on grandma
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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