Kiss
Puke
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
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5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
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...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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