I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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