Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
