dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
