yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
