that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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