He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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