I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
