so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
