I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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