If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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