It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
