you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Randomize
