census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
