If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Randomize
