I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
19 Parents Had Epic Reactions When Catching Their Kids Being “Bad”
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch