in pain and im wearing pink underwear
i dont own pink underwear
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.