why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
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My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
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I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.