sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
I miss vodka workout Fridays
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.