May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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