You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
He's on the porch naked. Help.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
