I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
