I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Randomize
