There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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