Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
