I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Randomize
