either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
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