I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
