I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
