i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
A+ Viking dick
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
