Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Brb crying the tears of my youth
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
