Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
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