You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
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We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
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I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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