i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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