Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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