So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
