he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
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Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
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The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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