PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
