So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Randomize
