If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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