In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
