i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
