My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
