Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
