Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
