I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
