my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
