It's like a parade of train wrecks.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
