I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
you will always have a special place in my vag
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize