I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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