I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
