I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
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