she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
